


Lima Losers

by Lucy



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-29
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-06 06:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy/pseuds/Lucy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn is feeling uncertain about his future so he goes looking for an unbiased opinion. He finds a lot more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lima Losers

Finn goes to Karofsky because for every weird up and down they've had since they started first grade together, Karofsky is always honest with him. Karofsky doesn't give a crap about offending Finn; he doesn't much care about Finn either way.

"So it's become this huge thing," Finn says in his fifth minute of straight-up rambling.

Karofsky stares at him, bewildered but starting to recover from it the more Finn talks.

"Suddenly it's the only thing anyone wants to talk about. I've got Rachel and Kurt on my back about going to New York, trying for some fancy art school and singing on stage for another four years. And now that this recruiter's got a boner for me my mom and Burt keep turning dinner into 'wouldn't it be great to have a real Buckeye in the family' talks."

Karofsky leans back against his locker, eying Finn as he goes on. Class has started, they're late already, but Finn needs to get this out and for some reason Karofsky is letting him.

"So now it's like my whole life is on hold until I make a decision, and whatever I pick it's gonna tick half the people in my life off, and it  _bugs_ me."

"All those people giving a shit about your future. You poor bastard."

Finn rolls his eyes at Karofsky's tone, but slumps back and throws his hands in the air. "I just don't know what to do."

"And you're asking me? Why are you asking me?"

"Because." Finn shrugs. "You'll tell me."

Karofsky thinks about that, his eyebrows arching. "Okay..." He nods a little and thinks about it for a minute. "Dumb question, but...what do you want to do?"

Finn blinks, surprised. "Me?"

"I know, that's completely irrelevant, right?" Karofsky smirks. "Answer the question."

Finn frowns and thinks about it. His mom keeps asking that – well, what do you want to do, honey? - but Finn can't really tell her because he knows she wants him to stay in Ohio. He knows if he gives any other answer her face will fall and she'll go cry somewhere.

It's what moms do, he figures, but that doesn't make it any easier.

So he hasn't actually thought about this question very often.

Karofsky clears his throat after a minute of silence. "Okay, dude. Let's spell it out: do you want to play college ball?"

Finn shrugs.

"You want to sing and prance around on stage?"

He considers that, and shrugs again.

"You want to live in New York or you want to live here?"

Finn sighs. "Yeah."

Karofsky's eyebrows shoot up, but he laughs. It's kind of a snort, but it's not as derisive as it usually is. "You're screwed, man."

Finn nods solemnly.

"Tell you what, Hudson." Karofsky pushes himself straight and comes off the locker, passing Finn with a punch to the arm. "Think about it, grow some balls, form an opinion that doesn't come from one of the ladies in your life, and then have this talk with somebody."

Finn glares after him, but as he rubs his arm (once Karofsky's back is turned) and ponders those words, he has to admit it's not bad advice.

* * *

They were friends in middle school. Well, as much as boys in the same class were friends. They hung around in a group with other guys just like them, kicking soccer balls at recess and throwing food at each other at lunch.

The thing in the locker room that one time, the thing in fifth grade, that was where it kind of split apart.

Finn sometimes thinks it's pretty funny how fast things like that change. He got all the guys in the locker room to laugh by making fun of all that hair on Dave's body, and from that moment on they've been kinda like two sides of one of those scales that the justice statue lady has. Or...like see-saws, maybe that makes more sense. Like see-saws, where whenever one of them is up high, the other one's gotta be down low.

Finn spent most of his time at the top. He lasted all through junior high and the first year of high school like king of the world. He was quarterback of the football team at the start of his sophomore year, and that's pretty damn impressive. He always had friends and cheerleaders and people like that around him.

Karofsky went for the hockey team freshman year, even though everyone said that the hockey team was for kids who couldn't make the cut on the football team. The hockey team were the low guys on the totem pole. They took a lot of crap from a lot of people, even after they started roaming the halls in groups and doing weird shit with their hair to make them stand out.

That kind of thing only helps if you're already popular. Becoming weird-hairstyled freaks hurts you if you're not one of the cool kids.

But then when Finn joined up with the glee club in sophomore year and things started kind of sinking for him, Karofsky sure enough started kind of coming up. He left the team before the worst of the mullet-phase hit them all, and by junior year he was right guard for the Titans. As Finn's rep was wavering, Dave's was shooting up.

See-saw.

They seemed to hit some balance for a while towards the end of junior year. Once Dave started doing that suspicious crap with Santana, parading around wearing shiny red hats and all that, he started wavering the same way Finn was. Neither of them were all that anymore – nobody on the team who wasn't in glee really liked Finn off the field, thanks to the New Directions. And none of them really liked Dave once he started spoiling their fun.

So come senior year they're kind of on equal ground. Karofsky is quiet mostly, doesn't really talk outside of practice and doesn't draw much attention to himself in the halls like he used to.

It's weird, but Finn kind of feels like they ought to talk. They had times where they were cool with each other, and times when they hated each other, and usually they hated each other the most when one of them was really high and the other one was scraping the ground. But now that they're equal...

It feels like the right thing to pull Karofsky aside and bitch about his college plans. Feels like they ought to talk about that kind of thing, like they should be friends again.

But Finn is weird, or so people say, and he isn't all that smart about other people. So maybe he's just being dumb, making too much out of things. Maybe Karofsky doesn't think about their past being connected like Finn does.

* * *

Karofsky isn't mean about that little chat in the locker room, and it doesn't seem like he went around making fun of Finn behind his back or anything. But the more Finn thinks about it in the next few days after their chat, the dumber he feels.

Until Karofsky comes up to him before school one morning, knocking on the window of Finn's car as Finn sits there drinking a cup of hot chocolate from Starbucks and frowning at the school in resignation.

Finn rolls down the window. "Hey, man."

Karofsky stares at him for a minute, hard, some weird look on his face.

Then he says, "I'm queer."

Finn blinks.

Karofsky glares at him, but it's not real anger in his eyes. "Whatever." He turns and marches away from the car.

Finn's out of the driver's seat and catching up to him in a flash. "Hey!"

"What?" Karofsky doesn't look back at him, but he slows down.

They're pretty much alone out there – it's too cold, all the other kids are wasting their time before the first bell indoors where it's warm.

Finn lowers his voice all the same. "What the hell?"

Karofsky lets out a breath and turns to him. "Whatever, I said. It's not like you have to say anything about it."

"But..."

Karofsky. Queer.

When Finn thinks queer he thinks Kurt. It's not really open-minded of him, maybe, but Kurt's the gay guy he's known the longest, and the one he knows best.

Dave isn't anything like Kurt.

"What are you telling me for?" he blurts when he can't think of anything else to say.

Dave shrugs. "Hummel knows. His boyfriend Urkel knows. Fucking Santana. I mean...that's it, nobody else. But..." He frowns right past Finn, like just off to the side. Like he wants to look at him but can't. "It felt like you ought to know too. I don't know."

"Dude. So you're serious? You...you're into  _dudes?_ "

Dave glares at Finn's ear. "If I was into chicks this would be an easier conversation, bro."

Finn nods. He thinks about it. "Huh."

"Yeah." Dave scowls and turns around again. "Later, Hudson."

* * *

Only halfway through Spanish II does Finn realize that Dave came up and told him that this morning for probably the same reason that Finn asked Dave his advice about college.

Because in some weird way they really are kind of connected.

* * *

He spots Karofsky in the hall between classes, and his focus kind of turns away from Kurt and Mercedes and their too-fast conversation, and he manages to catch the glare Karofsky levels towards the group of them.

He stops Dave after school as they both head towards the gym for football practice. "You still have a thing for Kurt?"

Karofsky shoots nervous eyes up and down the hallway and leans in, hissing, "Fuck you, Hudson, I never had a thing for Hummel."

Finn blinks, and then realizes. Queer. Right. "No, I meant...a thing, like a grudge or an anger issue or whatever."

Dave flushes bright red. "I'm not gonna do anything to him, don't worry about it."

Finn frowns as Dave starts moving. He reaches out and grabs Dave's arm. "Hey. You said he knows about you?"

"Yeah. What do..." Dave glares at Finn suddenly, wheeling in his tracks and closing the distance between them. He has to look up at Finn - everybody does - but he's still a little bit scary. "So it's your turn, is that it?"

"My turn?"

"Sure. Santana figures me out, she threatens me and blackmails me. Hummel comes back to school, he fucking threatens to tell everybody and blackmails me. I guess I should have known you'd be next."

Finn frowns. Blackmail? That doesn't sound like Kurt. It _does_ sound like Santana.

"So? What the hell do you want, Hudson? And you better make it good, because you only get one."

Finn can see in his eyes that he looks more scared than angry. He thinks Finn is actually gonna threaten him. He doesn't think he can trust him.

So why the hell did Dave ever tell him in the first place?

He flashes a smile finally and shrugs. "Want to play Mario Kart after practice?"

Dave blinks.

* * *

"It's like this," Finn says, pausing his game, walking his feet up the wall as his head dangles off the side of the bed. "I like singing, you know? It's fun, and I'm good at it, and I always kind of had this thing for music."

He doesn't even feel awkward talking about this. Which is weird, but then he remembers that he knows this huge secret of Dave's, so maybe he's okay feeling comfortable talking about real stuff with him.

Dave looks up from his DS and stares at him. "Thanks for sharing," he says dryly.

Finn drops his own DS on the bed beside him, frowning upside down at Dave. "But that stuff Rachel wants to do? New York and Broadway and all that stuff? I'm never gonna be able to do that. I mean, I can sing okay, but everybody knows I can't dance at all. And I'm this big tall dude who moves weird even when I'm not dancing. No way someone's gonna put me on stage when there's a thousand normal short guys trying out for every part. You know?"

Dave shrugs. "Is there a musical version of, like, Frankenstein? Do they cast people to play trees and shit like in elementary school?"

Finn rolls his eyes, which is interesting while he's upside down.

And it's starting to make him dizzy, so he hauls his head up and flops around onto his stomach, now kicking his toes into the wall quietly.

"And football. I mean, I'm okay at it for McKinley. But...dude, I know we won the championship last year but come on. You go to OSU games, right?"

"Hell yeah." Dave nods. "Fucking huge, dude. All of them."

"Right? So this scout, he's all interested for whatever reason, but what I think is that I'm too big and slow to be a real quarterback, and I'm not big enough to be anything else. Not in college, and sure as hell not pro."

Dave nods again. "I hear you, man."

Right, gotta be the same for him.

Finn feels kind of bad suddenly, because he has no idea what Dave's gonna do after they graduate.

Dave just shrugs when he asks, though. "Whatever. My fucking dad thinks I can get into law school now that my grades are better, but. I fucked that up last year. No good school's gonna let me in with an expulsion on my record, not even one they overturned."

They don't talk about this, about Kurt and all the stuff that happened last year. This is the closest they've come.

Finn hesitates, then decides to move around the subject. "So what else? You gonna try to play ball?"

"Nah. Fucking right guards, man, you see the size of those guys? They could eat you then shit me."

Finn grins at that.

Dave leans his head back against the wall. "I dunno, everybody's obsessed with college and moving and all that kind of crap. I just..."

"What?" Finn props his chin up in his hands, curious.

Dave shrugs. "I like it here. What's so bad about this place?"

Finn blinks, and suddenly he's up and sitting upright on the bed, and he's staring hard at Dave because he's heard a lot of talk about a lot of people's futures, but this is a first. "Wait, so. You'd be a Lima Loser?"

"Oh, fuck that. Lima's just as good as anywhere else. I mean, I guess it's not Florida or whatever, not warm and tropical and shit, but then they got bugs in Florida that, like, swallow babies." He holds his hands out like three feet apart.

Finn grins, and there's a little nervous rumble in his gut, because... "You know what I actually really like doing?"

Dave smiles faintly at him, like he's amused by Finn's grin but not enough to be mean about it. "What?"

"Working at the garage. With Kurt's dad, you know? He's been teaching me a lot, and it's...it's interesting, and I'm good at it. He says I am. I  _like_ it."

Dave's smile gets a little bigger. "So why can't you do that?"

"Because." Finn slumps a little. "Everybody in glee will be all on my case if I tell them I don't want to go to college. Kurt will bitch at me every damn night, and Rachel will..."

"What? Stop sleeping with you?"

Finn frowns at him, but nods. "I mean, I know what she's like. She'll treat me like a loser, a total loser. The minute she thinks I'm not gonna be on Broadway or whatever..." He shrugs. "She's weird like that, you know? She's not one of the girls like Quinn or Santana, who's always looking for a reason to judge you. But she does it all the same. She'll be all sad and she'll act like I'm doing it to hurt her, or..."

Dave stares at him. "Um. Look, man, feel free to punch me in my face or whatever, but...why the hell would you even want to be with someone like that?"

Finn frowns. "I like her."

"She acts like that and you  _like_  her?"

"I like her when she likes me," Finn clarifies, and as quick as the words come out they still take him by surprise.

It's true, though. Him and Rachel have had really good times and during those times it's like Finn isn't sure he'd ever be happy with anybody else. But when things aren't great? When they're awful the way they get, or even when they're just 'good'...it's not the same.

She really is kind of...insane, or something, the way she goes from like red hot to freezing in a snap. She's always kind of watching him, too, and sometimes he gets the feeling that she's just watching for a reason to snap again. She likes doing it. She likes being all emotional and dramatic.

She wants to be on stage. And when she's not on stage, she still wants to be in a performance.

Finn really likes her, a lot. Loves her, even, when things are good.

But Finn doesn't like having to watch himself all the time. And he really doesn't like it when he does watch himself and she seems disappointed, like he's ruining her chance to have another dramatic monologue or whatever.

He sighs and looks down at Dave. "Is it the same with dudes?"

Dave shrugs. "Never been with a dude," he answers. "But. Judging by Hummel?"

Finn thinks about that. He grins faintly, and it feels a little like betraying his brother but Kurt kind of is super-dramatic the way Rachel can be sometimes.

Blaine's not as bad, but he's still kind of...um. Emotional.

Finn thinks about that. "You know, if you do hang around Lima you're probably not gonna meet a lot of gay dudes."

"Yeah, that part kind of sucks." Dave grins faintly. "But gay dudes and me don't have a great track record, so...I dunno. Maybe some people just aren't meant to end up with someone else. No big deal."

Another new idea, and Finn tosses it around in his head for a minute.

Don't have to be with someone else.

Huh.

"I'd miss kissing," he says the moment the thought occurs to him. "And...you know. The other stuff. You ought to get the other stuff like once at least, right?"

"I've got a hand."

Finn snorts, but his face is kind of getting warm. "You kiss your hand?"

Dave grins. "My hand is very good to me, it deserves a kiss now and then. Fuck you, Hudson, stop laughing, I'm serious."

Finn laughs harder, because he can tell Dave isn't serious. Well, he is but he isn't. He doesn't go around tonguing his palm, at least.

But he's serious about the rest. About being alone.

That makes Finn stop laughing. "I dunno. I don't think...I mean, it seems like it'd be lonely. Too quiet."

Dave's grin fades. "Yeah. Maybe."

God, that's depressing. Finn frowns at him. "So we either deal with bipolar chicks or nonexistent dudes. And you're sure you want to stay in Lima?"

Dave looks over at him. He shrugs, and his smile almost kind of comes back on one side. "Maybe there's a middle ground somewhere. If there is, it can find me. I'm not gonna kill myself going out to find it."

Yet another novel idea. Finn gets the feeling that spending time with Dave Karofsky's gonna make him think about a lot of weird stuff.

It's kind of cool, actually.

* * *

Finn asks Burt what he thinks about the idea of Finn sticking around and helping out at the garage. Burt kind of falls all over himself saying it's completely unnecessary, it's not something Finn should even think about, Burt's got it all under control and in fact he really doesn't need Finn to pull as many shifts as he's pulling. He wants Finn to forget about cars, to go make something of himself.

Finn asks Rachel what she'd think if he doesn't go to college. She talks for about ten minutes about potential and squandering and how the only true losers in the world are the people who never try, but sums it up by saying that she knows he'll do the right thing, that he can be great someday and she believes in him.

Even Puck snorts and asks why anyone would volunteer to be a Lima Loser if they had any kind of escape plan.

Finn ends up in a really bad mood that lasts a couple of days, and everyone asks what the hell's up his ass but he doesn't really know so he can't really answer.

Until Dave calls him one afternoon and says "Sup, Hudson," and Finn doesn't stop talking for ten minutes, until he's talked about Burt and Rachel and Puck and Kurt and Mr. Schue and how they all keep pushing him to be somebody and it pisses him off and he doesn't know  _why._

Dave chuckles in his ear and answers like it's obvious: " _Screw them, Finn. All of them. You're something right now, okay? You sure as hell don't have to quit a job or move cross country to become somebody._ "

And Finn relaxes for the first time in days.

" _You're fine just the way you are, you got it?_ "

Finn nods; he gets it. And he talks a second later when he realizes that nodding over the phone isn't the best response. "You think somebody could, like,  _learn_ to like dudes?"

There's a pause, and Dave hangs up on him.

Which is weird.

* * *

He finds out that Dave's dad is a drunk when Dave won't answer his phone after he hangs up on Finn.

Finn drives to his house - it's not a huge city, he knows where Dave lives - and walks up to the door, unsure why he's there but it's not cool for Dave to totally rid Finn of his bad mood and then hang up in his face. That's not bros.

Finn knocks on the door and a voice shouts Dave's name from inside and footsteps pound down stairs like thunder and then Dave's at the door, glaring out before he sees who it is.

"The hell are you doing here?" he asks, sounding surprised.

Finn shrugs. "Hanging up isn't bros." He answers, since it made sense in his head.

Dave scowls at him, but another slurred shout from further in turns him red and makes him look back over his shoulder. "It's somebody from school, just shut up for a minute!"

Finn can't even understand the guy's voice that answers, and when he peers past Dave and sees Mr. Karofsky stumble in from what's probably the kitchen, he blinks in surprise.

He's seen Dave's dad at games sometimes. He's always like a nice, normal kind of guy.

This version is totally red-faced and disheveled and hardly keeping its balance. He says something that sounds like it ends with the word 'door', but Finn's pretty sure the first part wasn't English or Spanish, and he doesn't speak anything else.

"Damn it," Dave hisses quietly. He looks from his dad over at Finn, who probably looks pretty frigging awkward if his expression looks anything like it feels. "I'm going out for a while," he calls suddenly, shoving Finn back on the porch.

His dad vocalizes something that starts with, like, a dying cow noise and ends with a slurred version of the word 'boyfriend'.

Dave just slams the door shut without answering, and marches past Finn down the steps and onto the grass without a pause.

Finn follows him. "Uh."

"Just shut up, Hudson."

"I didn't know...um..."

"What? That my fucking dad is a shithead bum? Yeah, apparently having a queer son does that to a guy."

Finn thinks about Burt, but he's smart enough to not say anything out loud. "Is he...is it bad?"

Dave's steps slow a little. He glances back at Finn, and his glower sort of shifts. "No. I could take him down anyway if he ever tried to..." He shrugs. "He just drinks. It's all he fucking does anymore."

"That sucks," Finn says, since he doesn't know what else to say. "You want to...um. Where are we going, anyway?"

Dave slows down on the sidewalk and looks ahead blankly. He smirks, but it's small and shriveled up. "Shit."

Finn clamps his arm over Dave's shoulder. "Come on. I'll drive us to Mickey D's or something."

Dave turns back with him after a second, and they head back down the sidewalk to where Finn's car is parked.

"So. Why the hell'd you hang up on me, anyway?"

He feels Dave get tense under his arm, like, instantly.

"Drop it, Hudson."

"Yeah, no. When I drop things like that it usually ends up with us hating each other for a semester or two at a time." Finn grins. "So?"

Dave rolls his eyes, but he elbows Finn in the side and speaks suddenly, tone thick and mocking. "'You think a guy could, uh, learn to like dudes?'"

"I don't sound like that, you prick." Finn grins and moves away from Dave to open the driver's side door and hit the switch to unlock the others. "Get in, dude, you didn't even grab a coat."

They fall into the car at about the same moment, and Finn starts it up and sets the heater to blast on them.

Then he stops and turns to Dave, brow furrowing. "Wait a minute. That's why you hung up? Cause of what I asked you?"

"I don't need another person making fun of me, okay?" Dave rubs his hands together and stares out the windshield.

"Making fun? I was just..." Finn thinks about it, and sits back.

Hell, he didn't mean it to sound like that. It was a real question. He's always saying stuff like that at the wrong time, or in the wrong way, and hell if he can figure out what makes it wrong.

"I was asking," he says after a minute, his voice quiet. "That's all."

"Why?" Dave asks, rough.

"I dunno. Because every time I try to date a girl it turns into some big mind game. And I suck at those, so I always lose." He shrugs. "And I kinda just...I think, you know, if you date a person...you should make them feel good, not bad. Right?"

It takes a minute for Dave to answer. "Makes sense to me."

Good. Finn nods. "But when I talk to Rachel, it always makes me feel worse. She believes in me so much, but it's because she wants me to be someone better than who I am. Which means the person I am isn't enough. You know? And you kind of do the opposite. Like...when you talk it makes me think that trying to become someone else would be stupid. Because I'm fine how I am."

There's another pause, so long that Finn ends up looking over at Dave.

Dave is watching him, but he jerks his eyes forward fast. "Don't worry, Hudson. Berry's just not the girl you're supposed to be with, that's all. You'll find some pretty chick someday who thinks you're great how you are."

Finn thinks about that. "Seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?"

"What?"

"Well. I mean...you already do that, and you're right here. Seems dumb to wait for someone else."

"Hudson, shut the fuck up. You're not gay."

"Nah." Finn shrugs. "I think I just like you? Is that weird?"

Dave doesn't answer.

Finn sits back and shifts the car into drive, steering them out onto the street. Doesn't seem too weird to Finn, but maybe it should? Whatever, he's always been a little off, right?

"You realize I have a dick, right?"

Finn's breath whooshes out, but he laughs. "Uh. Yeah."

"And you think you could be into a person who has a dick just because they think you're awesome?"

"No, man." Finn shrugs. "I just think I could be into you."

"That is insane."

Finn considers that. Maybe it is. That's not how it's supposed to work. Gay guys should be gay. Like Kurt and Blaine. And Dave, actually.

Finn isn't like them. He likes girls. A lot. He likes boobs and long hair and soft little hands and pretty voices.

He just likes Dave too. At least he could. He's pretty sure he really could.

They hit a red light and Dave snaps his seatbelt off. He slides in and grabs the front of Finn's shirt, and suddenly he's right in Finn's space, filling up his vision, and then...

Oh.

Oooooh. Yeah.

Um.

It takes him a moment but Finn twists in his seat awkwardly and tilts his head and. Yeah. Holy shit, yeah, he can do this.

It's different, but he doesn't know how much of that is because Dave's a dude and how much is because Dave's kissing him to try to prove to Finn that he won't like it.

All he knows is that there's tongue in there, that Dave's not timid or delicate about it the way Rachel and Quinn were, and that a horn has to blare behind them before Finn even thinks about breathing, much less driving.

He gets them into motion again as Dave slides back and snaps his seatbelt into place.

There's silence for a minute, and Finn glances over at Dave as soon as it's safe, and he only realizes he's got this crazy huge grin on his face when Dave looks back at him in challenge, and then in surprise, and then with a spreading, shocked grin of his own.

* * *

Finn's not the most sexually experienced guy, maybe, but.

Holy shit.

He doesn't know if involving a second dick makes it better or worse or what, he just knows that there's nothing bad about anything they're doing.

Dave's kind of piecing things together with him, and if Dave's been waiting to try out some of the moves he watches on porn or whatever longer than Finn has, Finn's got a hell of a lot of enthusiasm to make up for it. Because it's amazing, every bit of it. When they kiss it's hard and hot and deep and it's like they're always fighting for who takes control and whoever wins that fight, they both fucking win.

When Dave touches him through his jeans the first time he's a little hesitant, since he's never touched anyone before, but he's a guy so he knows not to be scared of going for it. He grinds his palm hard into Finn's erection, not timid, not scared of breaking it off or whatever it is that makes girls act like it's so frigging fragile.

When he gets Finn's jeans off the first time, that's when it  _really_ pays off that he's a guy. He strokes him hard and fast and rough, and he knows to roll his palm over the head of Finn's dick, and he knows to work that spot where the head of his cock flares out, and Finn comes so hard it's like he'd never come before ever.

The weirdest thing? It's  _just as awesome_ doing it back. When Finn palms Dave through his boxers he can't even breathe it's so hot. He jerks Dave off and can't take his eyes off Dave's face, or the sweat that slips down his throat, or the sounds of his panting breaths or the way he feels in Finn's hand, how it's nothing like when Finn touches himself.

When they first kissed that day driving to McDonald's, Finn felt like shit after because it kind of felt like cheating. But he went to Rachel and gave her the speech about how they were just gonna grow apart so he was letting her go to live her dreams or something, and she wept and posed until he was all the more sure he was making the right choice.

And once he was free to come at Dave without any guilt...holy shit, he'd never felt so insatiable in his life.

He dreams about Dave, about a hairy chest and Dave's low hoarse grunts and Dave's fat dick in his hand. He flushes and grins when they pass in the halls at school. He gets up in front of the New Directions and sings this song Kurt used to blast when he and Blaine were first going out, this Broadway song that Brad manages to transpose down to a sane key. It's called Unexpected Song and hell if Finn has ever meant anything that much. He has to fight to belt out some higher notes at the end, and in his head since Dave's not in the room he just tells himself he's singing loud hoping it'll reach Dave's ears.

Which is kind of dumb, kind of girly, but whatever. Nobody has to know Finn's thinking that kind of thing. Anyway, it must've played well because the whole damned glee club stood up and clapped for him, and Kurt's been looking at him sideways ever since.

Finn doesn't care. He and Dave park for hours wherever they can think of that they'll be alone, since they can't go to Dave's place because his dad. And Finn's house is always full.

But it's getting too cold for parking, even if the windows end up foggy and the car ends up muggy. It's too cold.

So Finn decides to get an F in Algebra II (not a hard thing for him, really) and he tells his nervous mom that he's already found a tutor, that it's Dave Karofsky but that should be cool, right, since he's been cool with Kurt all year? And Kurt says sure so Burt says okay, and suddenly he's got a reason to bring Dave up to his bedroom two or three nights a week.

His mom's glad he's taking his studies so seriously, which is the only bad thing about the plan. Finn has no intention of getting anything like Algebra done with Dave.

And sometimes Dave looks at him this certain way. These long, searching kind of looks. Finn figures that part of Dave's head is back in that car the first day, still thinking that Finn's being a freak to even think he could like a dude.

Those looks get shorter, though. And everything is actually pretty fucking awesome.

* * *

_Knock knock_

"Hey, you okay in there? Sounds like something bro-"

Kurt's Kurt, so of course he walks right in even as he's talking, before Finn can say a word. Before Finn can even consciously realize that they totally did knock over his bedside lamp, oops.

So of course Kurt can't miss that Finn and Dave are tangled up on Finn's bed, that Dave's shirt is long gone and his hands are clenched tight on Finn's ass, and hell, it's so hard to stop moving that Kurt probably catches them grinding their hips together a few times before they freeze.

Finn looks over the moment he can force his mouth to tear away from Dave's.

Kurt's eyes are open so wide it looks like they're about to roll out of his head. He's pale, his cheeks are this weird blotchy pink, and he stands there with his eyes darting from one place to another to another.

"Shit," Dave says into Finn's ear, though he kind of sounds like he's more amused than anything else.

Finn grins, a little strained but then he's hard as a rock and he wants to fucking grind Dave down into the mattress and he's not used to having an audience for things like this.

Kurt gapes at them.

Finn clears his throat, strained. "Um. This is a bad time?"

Kurt looks from Dave to Finn, his mouth hanging open.

Finn wants to laugh at that look on Kurt's face. Something in the back of his head tells him that there's probably not a lot funny about the situation, but he has to distract himself from the throb in his dick so he ends up muffling a weird, high-pitched kind of giggle.

Beneath him Dave makes these sounds, like he's barely holding back his own laughter. "I think he wants to watch?"

'Shut up' is what Finn would say if he trusted himself to speak. He shakes his head, realizing that his pants are around his knees somewhere but luckily Dave chose to just reach inside his boxers instead of taking them off. Still. His ass in the air with Dave's fingers digging in...probably not the most flattering view ever.

But Kurt just stands there, pale and blotchy red and looking from Finn to Dave's chest to Finn's boxers to their flushed faces. He looks like he does want to watch.

And...yeah. No. Finn may not be sure there's anything weird about being a straight guy who wants a dude, but he does know that letting his stepbrother watch any single thing he does with that dude is just...no.

So he clears his throat. "Kurt. Kurt!" he raises his voice when Kurt doesn't move.

Kurt jumps a little and drags his eyes up to meet Finn's.

"Get out," Finn says.

Kurt backs up a step, and then another, and suddenly Finn's door is slamming shut and there's dead silence from the other side.

"Think we broke him, dude." Dave grins, but when Finn looks down at him (heavy grin and swollen mouth and sweating and flushed and man, Finn wants to taste  _all_ of that), Dave's grin fades. "He gonna get you into trouble?"

"No." Finn swallows and fists his hands in the sheets on either side of Dave. "We'll have to have it out later, though. Probably gonna have to tell mom and Burt now."

Dave's throat works. His eyes are bright. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna tell 'em?"

Finn grins and angles his hips against Dave's and pushes gently, just enough to rub them together a little. Just enough to see a few stars. "I dunno, that you and me are a thing? That I'm done pretending to look at college applications? That I want to work at the garage and find an apartment maybe over in Westgate and I'm pretty frigging happy with every single one of those choices?"

Dave lets out a breath and smiles, and arches up into Finn and grabs him by the front of his t-shirt and hauls him down. He breathes "Good start," against Finn's lips before they get sealed up together again, and the word echoes through Finn's mind as Dave's hands clench, driving their bodies tighter together in their slow grind. Good. Good start. Good.

* * *

Kurt walks in about ten minutes after Dave walked out. He knocks and waits this time for Finn to answer, and he moves in eying the furniture like it's gonna be covered in sperm or something.

Finn's not dumb - he made the bed, put on clean clothes and everything, got out his Algebra book, made things nice and innocent and presentable.

Kurt stands there for a long moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Um."

Finn waits. Dave told him to, before he left. 'It's okay to not kill yourself trying to apologize or whatever, dude. Let him work his shit out first.'

So Finn waits.

Kurt meets his eyes after like a good solid minute of fidgeting. "You and Dave?"

Finn nods, and it's hard to fight back a grin. "I just really like him."

"I could...could see that." Kurt clears his throat. His cheeks flush pink. "Looks like it's mutual."

Finn chuckles, but Kurt's reluctance to voice his usually loud opinions is starting to worry him. "Is that...I mean, I know it's not what you...is that  _okay?"_ he settles on finally.

"I. Um." Kurt shrugs. "I don't know which one of you I envy more. When I figure that out, it'll be easier to react."

Finn grins, unsure if it's meant to be a joke but willing to risk it.

Kurt studies him. "Um. So you're...what? You're gay now?"

"Nah. I mean, I totally love girls. And I don't get it...the gay thing. With other guys. Besides Dave."

"So..." Kurt frowns, eyebrows furrowed. "You're not bi, you mean? What exactly are you, Finn? Besides really confusing."

Finn shrugs. He doesn't get why everything has to be such a big deal. With Dave things are simple - he likes Dave, Dave likes him back. Doesn't seem worth the fuss to try to dissect it or read into it or find out what it means. It just is what it is.

Still, he smiles to himself suddenly and thinks about an apartment in Westgate with his  _boyfriend_ or whatever sharing a bed, and coming home with oil-stained hands the way Burt does all the time, and how sometimes big dreams are nice and talent can get you really far, but that doesn't mean that dreams and talent are the only things that matter.

Sometimes it's okay to be happy with things as they are. Sometimes it's alright not to move away, not if you can find yourself right where you already are.

"I'm a Lima Loser," he tells Kurt finally, and it sounds like a badge of honor. It feels like a title, like something he earned. Something he's proud of.

Because he is proud of it. He's closer to feeling like himself now than he has been maybe through all of high school, and the really awesome thing about it is that he doesn't have to regret not going to New York or trying for OSU.

Because he's a Lima Loser, but he's fine just the way he is.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a birthday fic written at the request of Pixolith. Happy birthday, Pixo!


End file.
